After a week broadly of “rest” from the regular intensity of training, I managed to make it back into the gym this morning for the first time in way too long. The regular time slot of 9:30 am, an infinitely respectable time to womble in and work out has been closed, and I got the courage to front up at 6:30 this morning to a much more packed space filled with young (i.e. school aged) athletes going through their programs.
It is always a bit confronting to feel a bit flat and be in the midst of everyone else seeming to be getting on with their own thing with far more grace and dignity that you feel you can muster. For myself, my continued struggles with my shoulder injury, lack of cardiovascular fitness, and just that niggling feeling of being a little bit too fat and a little bit too old have chipped away at my confidence. Normally, the gym and dojo feels like a refuge. I’ve noticed that for the past few months, it has been a bit more of a struggle.
Everyone goes through crises of confidence with their training at some stage, and with life in general. The real test is what you do once you hit the wall, not just as a test of character, but also as a process of living. There is a Japanese phrase, most often used in Judo and Jujutsu circles: Nana korobi yaoki (七転び八起き). Fall down seven times, get up eight.
Impermanence, transition, change, struggle. These are all givens of life. Sometimes it can feel much more negative than positive as we try to cling to the safely of the familiar and lament the passing of what we thought we had. However, in that discomfort is the opportunity to gain through getting through life one step as a time.
One phrase that has always stuck with me that Matt G introduced to the vernacular of the Club was “in one year, you will be glad you started today”. Today creates an opportunity to recommit and re-engage to the person you want to be. It doesn’t mean that there wont be hard days, days that you just can’t feel a connection to the process, or the point of continuing. However, in focussing on just today and picking yourself up and taking that one step to deal with the task in front of you, you build the foundation for resilience, and take that one step closer to achieving your goals.
So today I pick myself up. Been to the gym, have some tasks to sort out before evening, and planning to go for that run this afternoon. And the “regular” training for the rest of this week. One step. One time.
Take care everyone, be kind to yourself. I’ll look forward to having you all help me on my journey forward, and in my turn helping you with yours. Till we see each other in the dojo!